Ever wonder why you have a lot of “girl friends” but never any girlfriends? It’s one of the oldest sayings in the book that nice guys finish last. But why is it that your best girl friend can’t see that you would do anything for her? Why wouldn’t she want to be with the person she confides in so readily? Why does she continue to go out with jerks and come crying to you for support when they treat her wrong? There can be plenty of different reasons why she hasn’t looked at you in that way, but for most the signs and symptoms are the same.
Most guys that end up in the “friend zone” think that it’s because they’re too nice to their female friends. They think that if they start to treat them worse, they’ll all of a sudden fall for them. Think about that for a second, that’s pretty childish reasoning. The problem is not that you’re nice to them, the problem is that you tried so hard to be a friend instead of a boyfriend. Once you become that good friend to a woman, and you’ve never been looked at as a dating option, it’s hard to get away from that stigma. This happens to a lot of guys that are really shy or less confident in themselves when it comes to women. When you get around a woman that you like, you’re too shy to really take a chance and ask her out. Acting like a friend is a safer option that gives you less chance for rejection. The problem is that playing it safe can basically eliminate you from ever being a dating option.
When it comes to dating someone new, women rarely go for something that’s comfortable. Think about it? What makes dating so exciting? The nerves, the anticipation, the not knowing whether or not the other person feels the same way about you…it’s torture. It’s also what makes love so great. So when your friend is that comfortable with you, it takes a lot of the excitement out of the whole thing. Another part of the equation is that women feel protected by companionship. Boyfriends come and go, but knowing that you’re there as a good friend is like a safety net. Once you reach that level of trust, it’s really something that a woman doesn’t want to lose or make “weird” by having a relationship.
The simplest answer to the equation may just be that your friend doesn’t see you as having “boyfriend appeal”. Maybe she doesn’t have that attraction to you physically, or maybe she’s not looking for something serious and doesn’t want to hurt you. People go through many different changes and maturations throughout their lives, and we all go through them at different times. What people want, and what they look for in a date change over time.
If you really want to find out whether or not a spark could exist there, try making a somewhat drastic change in your life. Get a little makeover with the help of a friend. Try a new haircut or get a new wardrobe, then take your friend someplace special. Maybe those slight changes can open up her eyes to seeing you in a different way. The key is to make her think you could be something more than just her good friend, so take a chance and do something people would do on a date. Not something you do all the time as friends.
