We all know someone that constantly talks about how all their exes are complete losers. If you don’t, then maybe it’s you that is the culprit! Either way, one of the first things we need to do if we’re in a constant cycle of negative relationships is analyze and understand what we’re doing within ourselves to promote it. Sure, it’s always easiest to blame someone else, especially if they’re someone that you’re no longer with, but if you’re having the same problems with everyone that you meet, maybe the problem is you.
No one ever wants to accept the blame and criticism for their past relationship struggles. Part of what being single is about in our society is talking bad about those that fizzled out and how much better we are without them. It’s a coping mechanism that helps us to fight through our feelings of loneliness and makes it easier for us to deal with the anxiety of not having someone at the moment. Let’s face it, humans are social creatures and it feels good to have someone around. When we don’t we justify why it’s better for us at the moment to be single.
That’s not to say that being happy about being single is all a facade. There is definite truth in that at certain times in our lives, as it allows us to feel free and reevaluate ourselves and what is important to us without the pressures of someone else’s opinion. But it really only becomes productive if we use that single time to improve ourselves at an individual level so that we’re more prepared the next time we get into a relationship. If you just go wild and crazy while you’re single and fall into the same bad habits and routines when you meet someone new, you’re going to see the same struggles. Eventually either you change or you begin to accept your relationship struggles as the best it can be.
The saying that you can’t be happy with someone else until you’re happy with yourself is very true. A lot of times we look for our partners to completely erase all of the emotional baggage and behavioral issues that we have within ourselves. Then when we realize that they can’t magically make our issues disappear we blame them for not being the right one. Relationships are hard work, and they only work when it’s a two way street. Part of that process is accepting responsibility for the things that you can do better in a relationship. If we continue to be blind about our own shortcomings while constantly chastising those we date about theirs, it’s easy to see how that can cause unhappiness in a relationship. Using each past struggle as an opportunity to grow and become better is the key to maturing as a person and will eventually spill over into success in your relationships. If you continue to believe that you’re never the problem, then who’s really the loser?
