So many times I hear people talking about how they are unhappy in their relationships, or just plain unhappy with the people they are in relationships with. We have all gone through some tough relationships, and there are definitely times when we don’t necessarily make the right choices. But I think one of the most overlooked aspects of a happy relationship is how you really feel about yourself. It’s an old adage that you can’t be happy with someone else unless you’re first happy with yourself. Whether that is completely true or not is up for debate, but there is some truth in that statement that everyone should try to take and build on.

When people are lonely, they tend to start thinking that finding that special someone will make everything in their life right. Then once they do get into a relationship there’s a lot of pressure put on that other person to be everything you ever wanted in order to make you happy. The problem with that is that a relationship is partnership where both people help each other. The basis of any partnership is that two people believe that together they can become more than what they are apart. If you think that all of your personal issues and insecurities are going to go away just because you’re with someone, you’re totally wrong. Being in a relationship may give you something else to focus on for a while (thus making it seem like your problems went away), but eventually they all come back to light. At that point the issues begin to eat away at your relationship, and we all have a tendency to take out our personal problems on our significant others.

This is why many people who “always have bad relationships” continue to have them. They are repeating the same cycle over and over again hoping that another person will come in and “fix” them. When in reality, they need to first fix themselves, then try a relationship again. The only way to achieve different results is to do something different. The reason this is so difficult sometimes is that people don’t like to look at themselves honestly and have to be critical of themselves. It’s always easier to think about something else, blame it on everyone but yourself, or even get yourself into other coping mechanisms like drinking. The truth is, until you decide to take your issues seriously and attempt to work through them like an adult, your cycle will never stop. It may go away for a short time, but eventually you’ll have to deal with your issues.

I’ve always been of the opinion that it’s better to get something over with as quick as possible than to procrastinate and wait until the last minute. If you’re having constant problems in your social life, take a look inside yourself and figure out if the root cause of your issues lies within you. If so, step up and work them out with the help of your family and friends. In the end, the progress you make in your own personal development will only give you that much more of a chance for success in love the next time it comes around.