One of the most important, and surprisingly misunderstood, portions of the date is the awkward silence. This is the time between the pick up and arriving at your main destination. Not very many people think about this part of the date because it’s easy to forget. We spend so much time organizing where we’re going to go, and how we’re going to look, we don’t even realize that a decent portion of the night will be spent getting there. It can be especially awkward if you don’t know each other very well and don’t have that natural comfort that familiarity can provide. It’s crucial to master this portion of the date because it really is the first transition into the bulk of the experience, and it’s something that can totally tell you where the date is going before it ever gets there.

Dates in general can be a little awkward. You’re both trying to make a good impression and neither one wants to say something stupid. It’s kind of like watching the first few rounds of a boxing match. A lot of people bouncing around looking pretty but kind of scared to really do anything. What people don’t realize is that the awkward silence is the perfect part of the date to really win a lot of points. Make it an enjoyable time, and you’ve basically guaranteed yourself a productive main part of the date. Since the traveling portion of the date basically transitions you to your main attraction, the good vibes spill over seamlessly allowing you both to relax and enjoy each other’s company. If the awkward silence portion remains just that…awkward, you really put yourself in a tough position for the rest of the time. You’re almost 30% into your date and really haven’t been able to establish anyone’s comfort. It can be a hard game of catching up from there.

So why is mastering the awkward silence so effective? For one, it shows that you can just enjoy each other’s company with nothing much going on. Let’s face it, if you both like bowling you can have fun at the bowling alley whether you like each other or not. There doesn’t necessarily have to be a connection there. Part of dating is about finding out whether or not you even enjoy being around the other person or not. That’s really the first step that comes before thinking about being romantically involved with them. However, if you are able to have great conversation and laugh about random things while on the way to your destination, it can really lighten the mood. Not only does show that person that they can have a good time with you and that you are able to keep them interested, it lowers their defenses enough so that they’ll feel comfortable with being themselves for the rest of the evening. Once that connection is made, you’re both more likely to have a good time.

To win at the awkward silence stage it takes a certain amount of confidence and the ability to relax. If you’re so nervous that you can barely get a word out, it’s not going to make the other person open up to you. Whatever you have to do, find a way to relax yourself (don’t start drinking before the date!) so that you can talk to your date as naturally as you would a close friend. Bring up recent events in the news that interested you, types of music or hobbies that you enjoy, or just about anything that will spark a good conversation. Keep the topic light hearted for now though. You don’t want to delve into polarizing topics like politics or religion on a first date, and definitely not at this stage. If you’re able to keep your cool and you can make a connection, it gets much easier from there. The key is to find that spark that will ignite both of you to be able to feel comfortable with each other, and the rest will flow much smoother. Making this part of the date fun means that you’ve really left an impression in the first real test of the date. Being able to feel comfortable with someone in that close of proximity without outside influences is a trait that we all look for when it comes to finding a partner.