Being able to talk to a woman is fundamental. Our society focuses so much on appearance that sometimes we dismiss this perhaps more important skill. A man that can spark an interest in a woman with just his words is more powerful than one with a pretty face in the eyes of most women. The reason for this? Most men don’t have a clue about how to talk to women. For most men, talking to women is easy unless there’s a possible romantic interest involved. The problem with that is that you don’t really care that you’re great at talking to your cousin or your non-sexual female confidant. Why can’t you seem to be that witty or interesting when talking to that cute girl from the coffee shop? The problem is within you, and the way that you are viewing the situation.

Most people would agree that the reason most men have problems talking to women is due to an imbalance in confidence, either having too much or too little. Those guys having too much confidence just completely bore women with their arrogance. Contrary to popular belief, most women don’t want to listen to you talk solely about yourself, your possessions, or your money. It’s childish, shallow, and really not very interesting. Most guys that fall into this category probably don’t even know that they have a problem talking to women. If this is you, take a good hard look at yourself and think before you speak. The more you make it about you, the less of a chance you’ll have with them.

For those guys that lack confidence in talking to women, the issue lies with inexperience and/or mental blocks that are preventing you from being a good conversationalist when you get in the presence of a pretty lady. If you haven’t taken the chance to talk to a lot of women in a social setting, then you wouldn’t expect to be good at it. Like anything else it takes practice and exposure to become comfortable and gain a certain amount of skill at doing it. The first thing you need to do is go out and talk to some women! Sounds a little terrifying? Sure, it’s always hardest at first, but the only way you can eliminate your inexperience is to put yourself out there. Your experiences will vary, and that’s alright. It’s a microcosm of what you can expect all the time. Just because someone’s personal appearance is attractive to you, that doesn’t mean their personality is compatible with yours or that they’re even a decent human being. To make it a little easier on you, go out with some friends and make a friendly game of it, seeing how many different women you can start a conversation with.

If your nervousness is hampering your ability to take that plunge or causing you to tighten up when you talk to women, then it’s time to gain a little perspective. Why are you so nervous? Is it just because she’s so pretty? Is it because you don’t want to mess up an opportunity with a woman that could be “the one?” Let’s just slow down a little bit. Chances are, that woman is not going to be “the one” anyway, at least if you go by the numbers. Matter of fact, you don’t even know if she’s a good person or if you would even like her after getting to know her. What are you so nervous for then? Obviously no one likes to be rejected, but at some point you have to think that you don’t even know the quality of the person who could possibly reject you. So…why get so worked up about it? The key is not building up the moment to be more than it is. It’s just a casual introduction to a conversation with a complete stranger. Be happy within yourself, and don’t worry about what a complete stranger may or may not think about you. For all you know, you may come away from the experience realizing that she isn’t the person you thought she’d be. On the other hand if she is and you have a great conversation, then your calm demeanor will allow her to get to know the real you.

There are some great guys out there that go unnoticed largely because they aren’t very good at talking to women. If this is you, don’t do yourself an injustice. Take a deep breath, and don’t worry about it so much. Be confident in who you are and look at every opportunity to talk to a woman as an opportunity to improve. Eventually you’ll go up to that special one and everything will just click. You can’t predict it, and you won’t know where it will be…but if you’ll have to get up and do it if you want it to happen for you.