People tend to bring drama in their own life at times. We search and search for that special person that we want to spend our life with, then once we find them we sometimes do things to push them away. Any great relationship is built on trust, and not giving your significant other that trust (for whatever the reason) will eventually weigh heavily on your relationship. We hear a lot about people in relationships being over jealous, and that jealousy is just a manifestation of their lack of trust somewhere in the relationship. The key is understand the root of the jealousy so that you can work to make it better. Usually jealousy comes from a lack of trust in the person you’re with, a lack of trust with the people they are around, an insecurity within yourself, or a previous event (like cheating).

You don’t trust the person you’re with

If you don’t trust the person that you’re with, then hopefully you have a good reason for it. But if that’s the case, then why are you still with them? It’s hard to stay in a relationship that lacks trust, so if your reasoning is something that you cannot get passed, then maybe it’s time to end the relationship. Otherwise, if you’ve just created silly reasons to say you don’t trust that person, then it’s time to look within yourself and see what you really want out of the relationship. In order to have a positive, loving relationship both people have to treat it seriously and act like adults.

You don’t trust the people they are around

Maybe the issue is that while you trust your significant other, you don’t necessarily trust the people he’s around all the time. So, you think his drinking buddies are a little too wild for him? And that they may put him in situations where he’s more likely to do something? Or even worse, he’s still close friends with one of his exes and you know she still has feelings for him. These are common fears, and the best way to get passed them is to talk (not argue) about them. Let them know your concerns and how it makes you feel, and hopefully they will be understanding and ensure you that it’s not a big deal. The next time they get in that situation, they’ll know how you feel about it and be less likely to let anything happen.

You’re insecure about yourself

Most of the time a person’s jealousy comes from insecurities within themselves. When we’re insecure about ourselves we always think that our significant other could be looking elsewhere. Basically it’s a self-fulfilling prophecy, in that you keep acting and telling them they’re going to leave you and eventually they do because they can’t stand it anymore. You need to be able to get over your insecurities in order to progress in your relationship. If they’ve never given you a reason not to trust them, then trust them. The only way to truly love is to leave yourself exposed. If you don’t allow yourself the chance to do that, you’re the only one missing out in the end.

There has been a history of cheating

This is the toughest one. Personally, I’ve always been of the opinion that once someone has cheated in a relationship there’s really no way to totally get over it. It’s really one of the hardest things, because how can you ever go back to completely trusting someone when you’ve already been there and had it happen anyway. If you’re in a relationship where there has been a history of cheating, I would suggest that you think long and hard about what you expect to gain out of the relationship. If you decide to stay, you need to understand that you’re going to have to let go of a lot of angry feelings and try to be trusting again. Staying with the intent of controlling their actions won’t work in the long-run, so you’d have to be able to let go of the past in order to make it work. For some people (like me) that’s not possible. Proceed with caution.

Having a jealous significant other completely destroys relationships. After a while it just becomes a big point of contention, and a lot of times it can actually cause promiscuous behavior where none existed before. This is the whole “if she keeps thinking I’m cheating then I might as well cheat anyway” routine. Believe it or not, it does happen. Make sure you are solid in your feelings for each other and can have open communication about how things make you feel. Being open and honest with each other is another pillar of a strong relationship, and can help both of you overcome your issues by working on them together.