Dating and relationships can be such a roller coaster ride that our friends are usually the steadying hand that gets us through a lot of times. I think everyone has probably had a friend or two in their life that either they were attracted to or that was attracted to them. Sometimes it can make for some awkward talks and situations, but for the most part you continue to be friends and get over it. But what about those certain times when temptation gets the better of you, and you start thinking to yourself that maybe you do need to look at that person as a dating option. They mean a lot to you as a friend, you obviously have fun together, so why not? Well, there are a few things to think about before you take the plunge.
The biggest issue that arises from being friends with benefits is that usually the feelings are mostly one-sided. Rarely do two friends have completely platonic feelings for each other then spontaneously “go for it” one night. Usually it’s one person who’s had feelings for a long time, and the other who hasn’t. This is where it gets dangerous. In order for any friends with benefits situation to ever work you both need to have the same expectations of what is going on. If you think that you’re just having some fun in between your next boyfriend or girlfriend, and the other person thinks it’s the beginning of their relationship with you then you have a big problem.
Another issue that comes up with being friends with benefits is that you don’t really get to be just friends anymore. If you think it’s possible to have a physical relationship and still be able to interact as purely friends, you’re wrong. Anytime you add the physically part to your relationship, you introduce a lot of the drama that goes along with dating whether you plan to or not. Even if both people have an “understanding” that you’re strictly friends with benefits, it’s hard for a person to just push away their natural feelings. When you start to be intimate with someone, you’re going to grow closer to them. The closer you get, the less you look at them as just a friend.
The reason that being friends with benefits is so dangerous is that you take the risk of losing a close friend. Think about how many times you have counted on that person to be there for you. Think about how much their friendship means to you. Can you afford to lose it? If you can’t, then it’s probably something that you shouldn’t do. When you have dating problems, it can be hard, but with the help of your friends you move on. Imagine you having dating problems and you don’t have that friend to lean on anymore? That is one of the main reasons that some women won’t date their friends, since they put such a high priority on that safety net.
There is a situation where dating your friends can work, but it’s not being friends with benefits. If you actually decide that you’re going to start dating that person, and you both find that your chemistry as partners is even better than that of just friends, then it can be a very satisfying experience. In those situations, it takes both people being open-minded enough to get passed the initial awkwardness. But if the attraction is there, two friends can come to realize that they were what each other needed all along. In this type of situation, it works. But again, that is not being friends with benefits, that’s deciding to take a chance and really date one of your friends.
