Just about every one of us has been in (or known somebody who’s been in) an abusive relationship. It’s sad, but true. While an abuser can be either a man or a woman, and abusive relationships come in all kinds, generally we associate those relationships with a man being controlling and abusive towards the woman. Many women find themselves in these relationships and start to question a lot of things, including themselves. If you’re in a situation like this, it can be very scary and make you wonder why he treats you so bad.
Abusers feed off of the victim’s insecurity to create guilt and a feeling that they are the actual cause of the problem. When your man is verbally abusive towards you, it’s a way to beat you down emotionally and setting you up to be controlled later. No matter how confident you might be, if someone keeps telling you negative things about yourself over time you will start to believe them. The key to getting out of abusive relationships is recognizing them early and getting out early. The longer you stay, the more dangerous and difficult it is to leave.
One of the main things to remember is that people can only treat you as bad as you’ll let them. Sure, you can’t control his words or his actions, but you can control your reactions to them. Humans are like any other creature in that we get conditioned to certain behaviors over time. For instance, if I never tell my son to take a nap, then he starts to develop the idea that taking a nap isn’t normal. He only knows what he’s used to and what I allow him to get away with over time becomes his normal behavior. The same holds true for adults. If you allow your man to degrade you, or even hit you, and there are no negative consequences then the behavior will continue.
There is a fine line that must be balanced for women in this type of situation. Maybe you wanted to leave but couldn’t find the strength to do it. Or even worse, maybe you tried to leave and he threatened you. These are very serious issues that need to be addressed in your life. Find whatever resources you can to help you get out of that dangerous situation. Use family, friends, local law enforcement, and basically anything you can to help you get away from a relationship like that. Rarely do those types of relationships have happy endings.
Being in an abusive relationship is something that no one should have to go through in their lifetime. But the sad truth is, it’s happening every day across the world. What makes it worse is that domestic violence and abuse does not discriminate and affects relationships of all types and demographics. Come back tomorrow and read Part II of Don’t Stay with an Abuser.
