Why is it that we always feel the need to put up the “dating facade” all the time? You know what I’m talking about, when you’re single you go out and you always feel the need to put your best foot forward, always thinking that your “best foot” means something other than the person that you actually are. Has our society broken down our confidence so much that we honestly think that acting like someone totally (or at least somewhat) different than ourselves is our best method to finding a true life partner? It sounds ridiculous if you just say it out loud, yet most of us do it on a constant basis. So what should you do about it?

There are two major reasons why we tend to put up a “dating facade.” The first is that it’s a protection method that we use to prevent ourselves from feeling the pain of rejection, or at the very least partial rejection. The more you put yourself out there, the more it hurts when people reject you. One of the coping mechanisms we use all the time is that the person “didn’t really know me well enough” and that’s why they’ve denied your advances. Maybe it’s true, maybe it’s not, but at least the possibility is there. People in general have a hard time dealing with finite negative outcomes. It’s much easier to think of the reasons why they just didn’t realize how great you are than to deal with the fact that you’re just not a match.

The second major reason we put up a facade in our dating lives is that we feel a little bit of insecurity. Insecurity can manifest itself into many different behavior patterns, but one of them is acting like a different person in different settings. If you have issues within yourself about your appearance, personality, social status, dating experience, or any other of your qualities you may feel the need to overcompensate for your perceived lack of strength in those areas by acting totally different. You might feel more comfortable acting in a way that is distant from your true self because it can hide what you think are your flaws, while at the same time shield you from any true rejection (see reason number one).

So with all these potential issues surrounding being yourself, why would you ever want to do it? Personally, I think you should be yourself as much as possible, flaws and all. While you may have to deal with certain pain and rejection more directly, at least you have a clear understanding of where you stand with others, and with yourself. What if someone decided that they really liked you, but you had been someone else the whole time? It does you absolutely no good in the end, and really only adds to your ultimate unhappiness. It is said that you should rather be hated for you are then to be loved for who you are not. What you will notice is that there are few people in this world that are truly comfortable with being themselves, but those that are seem to be happier than those that aren’t. Showing your true personality with those you interact with means that you’re more likely to have friends that compliment your interests as well as partners that are more in tune with what you want out of a relationship. So any struggles and obstacles that may come with being yourself are far outweighed by the truth and respect that comes when you do finally find your place.