I have a female friend that I’m really close to. We do a lot of things together and are very comfortable talking and confiding in each other about our past relationship issues. Over time I’ve really developed really strong feelings for her and think she might be the one for me. Should I tell her?

I’ve always been a strong believer in letting feelings out. Life is too short and I don’t deal well with regrets. For that reason I think it’s always best to go for it, regardless what the outcome might be. But before we jump to conclusions, let’s try to analyze your situation and see what might work best for you.

It sounds like you have a great relationship with your friend, and that in itself is a special thing. Companionship comes in many forms, but anytime you find that bond with someone it’s worth holding on to. That being said, it’s hard to “settle” on being friends when you think that you could possibly be so much more. So what do you do? Keep your feelings inside and keep your friendship? Or risk losing her as a friend but possibly gain her as a girlfriend? It’s not an easy decision but I think it’s always better to try and fail then to never try at all.

Telling your friend means exposing yourself to possible rejection and (what’s much worse) alienating your friend. When one person in the friendship develops stronger feelings it can make the other feel awkward if they don’t have a mutual attraction. The problem lies in the comfort level that friends have compared to people that are love interests. One of the great things about hanging out with a friend is that you don’t have to worry about looking your best, acting silly, or just being able to be your complete self. When one friend develops stronger feelings for the other, that comfort level disappears because every situation becomes something that has to be thought about. You don’t want to lead that other person on, and you never know what their intentions are at the moment. It makes what once was a great, easy going friendship into an awkward situation that can never really be the same.

Knowing all that, why would you do it? Life is really about the special moments that you remember forever, it’s about going for something and having it be a smashing success. It’s not about suppressing your feelings and hoping it all works out in the end. You just have to go into the situation preparing for the worse. There is a chance that you will lose your friend. While it’s possible that you both can go back to being friends if the feelings not mutual, it’s probably not too likely. While that’s somewhat sad, it’s not as sad as never telling the person that you’re attracted to how much you think of her. There’s something special about that moment, even if the feeling ends up not being reciprocated. Lastly, we haven’t even talked about the greatest possibility. What if she says she likes you too? The feeling you would get knowing that you get to start a dating relationship with this person that you care so deeply for is indescribable.

There’s no telling what exactly will happen when you tell her. But I truly believe that people should go for what they want and deal with the possibility that it doesn’t work out. In order to really grow as people we have to go through hard times and make tough decisions. The most successful and happy people in the world are those that took a chance. If you really like her that much, there’s only one thing to do in my opinion, and that’s tell her. While you risk losing her, if you never told her you’d risk never being with her either. Good luck!