My boyfriend and I have been off and on for 5 years. About 2 years ago we got back together and bought a house together. For a while I was a little unhappy in our relationship due to his controlling attitude, but because of our financial responsibilities I had to stay with him. Now I’m doing well at work and recently got a promotion to where I don’t need him to make ends meet financially. A part of me wants to leave, but I’ve been with him so long that I hope it can get better. What should I do?

First of all, congratulations on your recent success at work and your promotion! To me, it sounds like you already know what you should do, but you’re just having moments of hesitation due to insecurity. When you’ve been with someone for as long as you have, you get comfortable with having them around. Even if you’re unhappy in your relationship most of the time, that person knows you and everything about you. There’s something secure in that, and a big reason why people stay in abusive relationships longer than they should.

In terms of getting better, you probably already know the answer. If it hasn’t gotten better in 5 years, what makes you think it ever will? Change doesn’t come easy or instantly, but 5 years is more than enough time to improve and grow as a couple. From your question it doesn’t sound like that is happening. The hard part about getting out of serious relationships is that we tend to remember all of the special times together and we have a hard time letting those go. You have to remember that you only get to live once, and if you’re not happy most of the time in your relationship, then it’s probably time to move on. It’s hard to give up what we we’re used to, but you just need to concentrate on the happiness and positive relationships that you give yourself a chance for in the future.

Now that you are financially stable enough to stand on your own, you have options. I think it’s probably time for you and your boyfriend to give each other some space and see how it goes. That will allow you to see how life is without him, and maybe give him a wake-up call to get his act together. Remember that it will be a hard adjustment for the first few weeks (or months) of separating. This is normal, since you’ve been together so long. Make sure you don’t fall back into your old routine due to a moment of weakness. Have a strong support system of your friends and family to guide you through. You have a child, so use this time to concentrate on you and your child. In time the improvements in your professional and family life will spill over into your personal life.